On our own...gulp...

My mom left tonight. Brad and I are officially on our own w/ Baby Ben. We have been doing most of his care the last few days w/ mom doing mercy diaper changes occasionally and feeding us regularly. That's the part I'll miss...homemade food, the 'dish fairy' loading and unloading the dishwasher, and reassurance that we are doing things 'right'. The thought of getting up, feeding Ben, changing him, getting myself showered and dressed, making breakfast, straightening the house for first family pictures at noon (an old coworker of Brad's is coming up from Louisville to photograph us in our home) and making sure the nursery is picture ready seems a little daunting right now. I'm sure we will be fine but it was nice having mom as a back up. I'm very glad she was able to spend this week w/ us...especially since we don't live close enough for daily or even weekly visits.

This week has gone well over all and our confidence as new parents is increasing a little....not much but a little. I only cried once over the baby this week and that was because I used a new thermometer to take his temp and it said 103.1 !! It turned out to be a defective thermometer because every time I took his temp (and mine) I got a different number....I threw it away to avoid future scares but the thought of him being ill or hurt is just too much for me! I love him tremendously!!

About the pic......My older bro, Chad, was supposed to pick up my mom yesterday however just before they walked out the door Lilly, my 5 yr old niece, fell sliding around in dress shoes in their kitchen and had to be taken to the hospital for stitches in her chin. So today my younger bro, Justin, drove up w/ Colton, my nephew, to take mom home.....here is Colton holding Ben. He really likes his cousin, showing him his boots and checking out Ben's tiny hands.

Happy Birthday to Me!

As I approach my 31st birthday tomorrow, I am reminded that my grand plan, many years ago, was to have all my kids (all two that I wanted) by the time that I was 30. Needless to say, God had a hardy laugh at my "plan", as I am sure He always does. But, several years behind schedule, I am so grateful to finally begin the journey to motherhood. I am dreaming of meeting our little one, though I know it is still many months away.

For all the wanting, I have very little knowledge of what it actually means to be a mother yet. Of course, I have basic knowledge of diaper changing, a little experience w/ feeding a baby, and even less re: getting a newborn to sleep in the middle of the night.....admittedly those things scare me a little. But the mothering part, not the actions but the feeling and emotions, is something I've fantasized about since I was a little girl. My mom always had a way of making us all feel special, whether it was our birthday or a random Tuesday night. My parents always did things grandly, not to say expensively because we were a one income family w/ a stay at home mom. But we had traditions that made every occasion feel special. Those are the things that I want Brad and I to bring to our growing family. Funny how this little developing being has transformed Brad and I, or at least my perceptions of us, from a married couple to a family. And my heart swells w/ pride. I'm sure this baby will teach me a lot about motherhood.....hopefully my fantasies won't all turn out to be delusions of grandeur! ;)

So tomorrow is the big 3-1. I'm not worried about getting older. I wouldn't rewind time even if I could. I love my husband, I love my "peanut", my job is tolerable, and we don't want for much. I am blessed and grateful. I'm having a prenatal massage tomorrow and then dinner w/ Brad at one of our favorite restaurants in Cincy. In the gift dept, I am carrying the best one ever right inside me. My only birthday wish is to deliver this little one safe and healthy come December.

Life without idealism is empty indeed.
We just hope or starve to death.
--- Pearl Buck