Happy Birthday to Me!

As I approach my 31st birthday tomorrow, I am reminded that my grand plan, many years ago, was to have all my kids (all two that I wanted) by the time that I was 30. Needless to say, God had a hardy laugh at my "plan", as I am sure He always does. But, several years behind schedule, I am so grateful to finally begin the journey to motherhood. I am dreaming of meeting our little one, though I know it is still many months away.

For all the wanting, I have very little knowledge of what it actually means to be a mother yet. Of course, I have basic knowledge of diaper changing, a little experience w/ feeding a baby, and even less re: getting a newborn to sleep in the middle of the night.....admittedly those things scare me a little. But the mothering part, not the actions but the feeling and emotions, is something I've fantasized about since I was a little girl. My mom always had a way of making us all feel special, whether it was our birthday or a random Tuesday night. My parents always did things grandly, not to say expensively because we were a one income family w/ a stay at home mom. But we had traditions that made every occasion feel special. Those are the things that I want Brad and I to bring to our growing family. Funny how this little developing being has transformed Brad and I, or at least my perceptions of us, from a married couple to a family. And my heart swells w/ pride. I'm sure this baby will teach me a lot about motherhood.....hopefully my fantasies won't all turn out to be delusions of grandeur! ;)

So tomorrow is the big 3-1. I'm not worried about getting older. I wouldn't rewind time even if I could. I love my husband, I love my "peanut", my job is tolerable, and we don't want for much. I am blessed and grateful. I'm having a prenatal massage tomorrow and then dinner w/ Brad at one of our favorite restaurants in Cincy. In the gift dept, I am carrying the best one ever right inside me. My only birthday wish is to deliver this little one safe and healthy come December.

Life without idealism is empty indeed.
We just hope or starve to death.
--- Pearl Buck

12 weeks: Baby Lime

Our baby is the size of a lime this week! Baby Lime's biggest develop- ment @ 12 weeks is reflexes. Baby's fingers will soon begin to open and close, toes will curl, eye muscles will clench, and it's mouth will make sucking movements (aww!). Supposedly if I poke my belly, the baby will squirm around but of course I still can't feel it. Baby Lime's intestines, which have grown so fast that they protrude into the umbilical cord, will start to move into the abdominal cavity about now, and the kidneys will begin excreting urine into the bladder. Yep, that's right....Baby Lime is already peeing on....or in this case in it's momma! Yuck! I guess it's a little too early to think about potty training.

Baby Lime's brain has established it's form and structures and will now spend the rest of the time in the oven developing mass. Nerve cells are multiplying rapidly, and in our baby's brain, synapses are forming furiously. Baby Lime's face is now supposed to look distinctly human. Baby is getting less 'wall-eyed' as it's eyes have moved from the sides to the front of the head, and the ears are right where they should be. From crown to rump (apparently the standard measurement for fetuses), our baby-to-be is just over two inches long and weighs half an ounce.

Meanwhile back at the uterus........low in my abdomen, just above my pubic bone, my doc should now be able to feel my womb. All the literature says I won't need maternity clothes for a few more weeks which is fine w/ me because I'm not looking forward to the giant stretchy belly pants. I have a feeling that even when I can't wear my normal clothes, those stretchy belly pants will still seem big and weird at first. The tops on the other hand look cute.....and that will be a perfect excuse to shop. But not yet.....

Also, supposedly fatigue and morning sickness are fading now.....hmmph. Overall, I am feeling loads better. While I had a week long hiatus from 'productive' morning sickness, last night I gave up ALL my dinner and then some. The fatigue has lessened but not left me. I still hit an afternoon/evening lull that is worse if I don't have a little snack. I am officially up 2 lbs. Not bad for 3 months. Average or ideal is 3-5 lbs.....but since I was already "ahead of the game" in that dept, I'm sure the doc will be fine w/ that. Papa Bear (Brad) is hanging in there too!