Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Tough Day

Just a mini update. Today was my first day back to work. Today was also Ben's first day at daycare. I haven't cried this much in quite some time. A quick paraphrase of my inner dialogue just after I dropped Ben off...."Did I just leave my only child w/ a stranger?? This is crazy! This is the worst decision I've ever made!!". After crying in the daycare's parking lot until someone pulled in the lot next to me, I proceeded to work where I cried in the car until I decided I couldn't put off going in any longer. In the morning, I balanced patient treatments w/ pumping in closet like offices, visited the daycare for a nursing session during my lunch, and repeated the morning's balancing act in the afternoon.

I take my hat off to the working mothers who have proceeded me. This is a tough gig. Motherhood has proven to be a continually humbling experience. I didn't realize how much I could miss my little boy. His daycare teacher said he cried often in the morning, wanted to be fed almost constantly, and refused to nap in his crib.....this was not comforting news. In the afternoon, he did better, cried less, napped in the swing. I wish I didn't have to take him back, that this was just a one off bad day. I hope facing tomorrow morning won't be so difficult, but I'm not terribly optimistic.

3 comments:

Jenn said...

*HUGS* I would like to say that each day gets easier, and some days really do. But more importantly, each day YOU will get stronger. You are an amazing mom.

-Jenn & Nate

Jane said...

Hey Sweetie. It will get better. Aren't you glad you are just working three days a week. Imagine five days. You will both get used to it. I just wish the weather wasn't so nasty up there. We were thinking about you and Ben all day yesterday, wondering how it went. Just as we expected. Hang in there. Nana and Poppy love you all.

Amy said...

Oh LC!! I am so sorry sweetie. It must be so difficult to leave him when he is still so little. I think that this speaks to the depth of your love for Ben---and certainly the time you spend together when not at work will be high quality and wonderful! Big hugs!