Happy Birthday to Me!

As I approach my 31st birthday tomorrow, I am reminded that my grand plan, many years ago, was to have all my kids (all two that I wanted) by the time that I was 30. Needless to say, God had a hardy laugh at my "plan", as I am sure He always does. But, several years behind schedule, I am so grateful to finally begin the journey to motherhood. I am dreaming of meeting our little one, though I know it is still many months away.

For all the wanting, I have very little knowledge of what it actually means to be a mother yet. Of course, I have basic knowledge of diaper changing, a little experience w/ feeding a baby, and even less re: getting a newborn to sleep in the middle of the night.....admittedly those things scare me a little. But the mothering part, not the actions but the feeling and emotions, is something I've fantasized about since I was a little girl. My mom always had a way of making us all feel special, whether it was our birthday or a random Tuesday night. My parents always did things grandly, not to say expensively because we were a one income family w/ a stay at home mom. But we had traditions that made every occasion feel special. Those are the things that I want Brad and I to bring to our growing family. Funny how this little developing being has transformed Brad and I, or at least my perceptions of us, from a married couple to a family. And my heart swells w/ pride. I'm sure this baby will teach me a lot about motherhood.....hopefully my fantasies won't all turn out to be delusions of grandeur! ;)

So tomorrow is the big 3-1. I'm not worried about getting older. I wouldn't rewind time even if I could. I love my husband, I love my "peanut", my job is tolerable, and we don't want for much. I am blessed and grateful. I'm having a prenatal massage tomorrow and then dinner w/ Brad at one of our favorite restaurants in Cincy. In the gift dept, I am carrying the best one ever right inside me. My only birthday wish is to deliver this little one safe and healthy come December.

Life without idealism is empty indeed.
We just hope or starve to death.
--- Pearl Buck